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{Plot Twist} - Keto!

I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but there was a lot of info that I wanted to be sure to touch on since I've had a few people reach out to little-ol-me about the topic! Guess which chunky girl started Keto this week? I'll give you a minute to come up with a guess... ...ME!  I DID! 6 months ago I was told I had to have a hysterectomy, through that process I learned that I have a bad liver.  I have 3 hepatic hemangeomas (tumors made of blood vessels) AND fat deposits.  I don't drink (and when I do, it's minimal), so the fatty liver deposits are 100% from what I eat. Gross.  But also, I love food, so... Fast forward to about a month ago: I went in for my physical and was put on thyroid medicine and told that my blood work revealed a marker for an autoimmune disorder (not sure which one, but he made mention of Hashimoto's because of my history and other symptoms).  My blood pressure is good, my cholesterol is good, every...
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Parents: All of Our Pants Are On Fire

Nobody tells you when you're about to become a parent that you're also about to be the most crafty, stretch-the-truthiest person your child will ever know.  They should though. Something about me:  I'm a terrible liar.  That's why I don't do it.  Except for almost every day to The Kid.  Okay, not that  often, but often enough to write about it. Let me give you the short list of times I've straight up lied like a Middle Eastern rug to my child. Aside from every holiday when someone that doesn't exist gets the credit for all the hard work and money spent on gifts that magically appear from thin air, I've got a few to list. The first tale is from a time when my daughter lost a tooth.  She was probably about 5 or 6 when it happened the very first time (call the Mom Police, I don't remember when she lost her first tooth.  AND I DIDN'T KEEP IT EITHER!).  She lost her first and second tooth within a week of each other and then the third was ...
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Mondayest Tuesday Ever

On a regular weekday, I work 9AM - 3PM.  I generally take The Kid to school so she can sleep an extra 45 minutes.  I've learned that this extra 45 minutes of sleep can be the difference in bargaining with The Spawn of Satan all day OR enjoying The Kid while she's in a generally great mood all day. It's not rocket science. On days I take her, we need to be out the door by 7:30 so that gives her some cushion to not be rushed once she walks into the school doors.  Leaving by 7:30 puts us at school by 7:45 and the bell is at 8:00.  Then, for the next hour I make the 3 minute commute from her school to my office.  I park and catch up on facebook and twitter. This week, on Monday and Tuesday my hours were 8-5 because my boss is out of town.   Tuesday.  Tuesday was so Monday it was not even funny. My 6:00AM alarm never sounded.  I must have shut it of the morning before, for whatever not-normal reason.   I shot out...
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Proper Introduction: The Kid

Born:  12/27/2006 Weight:  7 pounds, 8 ounces Length:  19.5 inches The Kid.  As you can see, she just turned 11.  ELEVEN.  We have a Tweenager.  She's an only child, so she's super sassy (she gets that from me), super smart (she gets that from FWD) and super hilarious (I'd like to claim that 100%, but we're both pretty funny).  She's also sort of mean, very bossy and a regular pain in the ass! Neither one of her parents are only children so we don't get it, but we have to try and mold it into a person who will not grow up to be a total asshole.  Mom's know what I'm talking about.  We all love our kids more than just about anything in the world, but when one is a jerk, they are a J E R K. Age:  8 Months Old Weight:  20 Pounds Height:  *thisbig* Lucky for us, she's, from what I can tell is coming out on the other side of her Prime Jerk stage.  She's been more loving, more kind and more fun to be aro...
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Proper Introduction: Forever Wedding Date

When I used to blog, I never used the real names for the people I was talking about.  Part of it was because I wanted to keep some anonymity in my life.  If you know me, then you know who is who, but if you don't, you'll still enjoy the stories.   This time around, I want to have a proper introduction for the people you'll hear about most.  Today you'll meet my Forever Wedding Date! This Is Us:  Wedding Date Our love story is a funny one - we met in 2002 or 2003.  I was a cashier at a BBQ restaurant and he was one of my regular customers.  Every single weekday morning and some Saturdays he would come in and order the same thing:  two sausage, potato, bean and cheese tacos and a large sweet tea.  For about a year we would have small talk, but there was never any flirting going on.  All business.  He wanted tacos, I gave him the tacos. This Is Us:  2015 National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas Well, one m...
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The Birth of Two Bacons

Perhaps you're scratching your head because Two Bacons is grammatically incorrect.  Maybe you've not even realized that Two Bacons is grammatically incorrect.  Or, perhaps you stumbled across this blog because you just googled "bacons". Honestly, I'm not sure I care how you got here, but welcome! My name is Jenn, last name:  B.  I live in a small town located in South Central Texas (SCTX).  I'm married to my Forever Wedding Date (FWD) and together we have one amazing daughter (The Kid).  When I first started blogging many, MANY years ago, she was 2, so I primarily wrote about all the ridiculous things that would happen - New Parent (Mis)Adventures, if you will.  Well, that blog died when I tried to switch blogging platforms.  All of my content is stuck somewhere, probably in the cloud and I can't figure out how to retrieve it.  I lost 2 years and 294 posts and I'm not bitter about it at all... This go-round I've decided I'm going...
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